


to be free like this

by towokuwusatsuwu



Category: Kamen Rider Gaim
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Moving On
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-03 12:29:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11532243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/towokuwusatsuwu/pseuds/towokuwusatsuwu
Summary: An overheard phone call leads to a revelation for Zack and Micchi as they try to pick up the pieces.





	to be free like this

**Author's Note:**

> Zack/Micchi + "things you said I wasn't meant to hear"

The phone call comes when Mitsuzane Kureshima steps out of the room, his own phone held in one hand and an apologetic expression resting on his face. Of course, Zack would never dream of acting as though Micchi calling his older brother is a nuisance to him; he knows that Micchi and Takatora have been rebuilding their relationship brick by brick just as the Beat Riders left in Zawame have been struggling to pick up the pieces in the last year.

Zack knows just how difficult this can be. His battle with Shura, contested between Marron Jimber Arms and Black Baron is still fresh in his mind, having only occurred a few months ago. It was an incident he keeps close to his heart for several reasons. For one, it’s another reminder that everyone’s actions have consequences. For two, Micchi was there to save him.

His phone vibrates in the pocket of his loose sweatpants, and he fishes it out of his pocket, unsurprised to find Peko’s name on the screen. Ever since Zack had clawed Baron’s name out of Shura’s hands, he and Peko have been in close contact with each other. A part of him will always feel guilty for leaving in the first place, but he has his chance to make amends now.

He pauses to make sure he can detect— just barely— the soft sound of Micchi’s voice before answering the call, his head falling back against the couch. “What is it, Peko?”

_ “I just wanted to check up on you and make sure everything was all right.” _ It’s been months since Zack was able to hear Peko’s voice so light and carefree, and it brings a smile to his face to hear it.  _ “So, yeah, everything going okay with you and Micchi?” _

“Yeah. We’re just doing movie night like I said we were going to. It’s the anniversary of… You know, and I didn’t think he’d want to spend it all alone when I know everyone else had plans.” Zack doesn’t need to say it in so many words. Two years had passed since the end of the invasion of Helheim. Zack had been unconscious for the end, but Peko remembered it for the both of them. “He just got a call from Takatora, I think. I’m glad they’re talking.”

Peko hums on the other end of the line.  _ “It’s literally none of my business but I’m glad they are too, like… It’s good for them to have each other, I guess. Sometimes all you have is family. How are you… Feeling about everything, I guess is what I’m trying to ask.” _

The question makes Zack laugh, the sound a little uneven as his throat tightens. “That’s a good question, actually. I don’t know what I have a concrete answer to it yet.”

_ “Well, you gotta work on it at your own pace. Everyone has to. Jonouchi, you know, everything that happened with Hase left him hurting pretty bad so he had to work through that.” _ Zack can’t see him, but he can almost imagine Peko’s one-shoulder shrug at the words.

“I know what you mean. It’s just weird because, I don’t know, I guess I never paid much attention to crushes and feelings and stuff. I mean, I loved Kaito, but… I think we all did.” He doesn’t need to specify who he means. Too many of them had been left bleeding and broken by that loss, after all. “The more time I spend with him, though, like tonight, makes me think…”

He trails off and he can hear Peko’s quiet, even breathing on the other end of the line, patiently waiting for him to find a way to finish his sentence. He wishes it was easier. He wishes it came as naturally to him as dancing and fighting did, but feelings and matters of the heart are so much more difficult than he could ever have conceived possible.

He wets his lips and lets his head fall back, his eyes resting on the ceiling. “To be honest, Peko, I think I’m falling in love with him.”

_ “That’s what I figured, but I didn’t want to tell you how you felt. You kind of have to figure that out for yourself, after all.” _ The relief in Peko’s voice is palpable. Zack supposes he should have expected that.  _ “Have a good night, Zack. I’ll see you sometime tomorrow.” _

Zack confirms before hanging up his phone, letting it fall limply to his lap as he keeps his eyes focused on the ceiling, letting the words settle themselves into his mind. It’s the first time he’s said out loud how he feels about Mitsuzane Kureshima, something he has kept private, tucked away in the chambers of his heart for the last few months. After Helheim had been stopped, Zack extended his hand to Micchi as often as possible. And in the end, it had paid off, and Micchi had been there to help him when he needed help the most.

At one point in their shared past, the sight of Armored Rider Ryugen had been enough to churn Zack’s stomach. There had never been a moment where he thought he would be thankful to see the bright flashes of purple that signalled Ryugen’s gun. Times change. People do, too.

It’s only when he turns toward the kitchen doorway, searching for Micchi, who still hasn’t come back, that he finds Micchi leaning against the doorframe, wide dark eyes fixed on him. Zack never heard him return; his voice must have covered the sound of Micchi’s quiet footsteps.

And then he freezes, because he isn’t sure how much of that phone call Micchi heard.

_ I should have taken it in a different room,  _ he thinks, the inside of his mouth rapidly drying, his tongue like oversized cotton stuffed behind his teeth.  _ How much did he hear? _

“Micchi…” He bites down on his lower lip, not sure what to say.

The silence lingers between them for a long moment, the glow from the television— their movie paused— casting the scene in an eerie light. Micchi remains leaning against the doorframe, looking so small in the shadows that Zack feels that need to reach out to him again just like he has so many times before. He never wanted it to be like this.

Micchi finally lifts his head, his smile small and bittersweet. “I bet you didn’t want me to hear that.”

“That’s the first time I’ve ever said anything about it out loud. Even to myself.” Zack’s fingers twitch, his hands cold and clammy. He’s never had to do this before, too afraid to ever confess to Kaito until it was too late. “I’m… I didn’t want you to hear that, no.”

“That’s fine. Understandable. I wouldn’t want me to hear anything like that either. You’ve done enough for me and it would be wrong of me to want anything else.” Micchi pushes himself off of the doorframe, and Zack expects him to come back to the couch.

Instead, he only stands there, his slim arms wrapping tight around his own torso, looking so lost that something in Zack’s chest threatens to crack and collapse at the sight. This isn’t what he wanted and it isn’t what he meant when he said he didn’t want Micchi to overhear his confession.

“Micchi.” Zack struggles for words, leaning forward on the couch, not sure if he should stand or not. What if he scares him away? The house is big, Zack wouldn’t know how to find him if he disappeared into the shadowy upstairs. “I didn’t. I don’t mean it like that. That I didn’t want you to hear at all. You’re misunderstanding.”

There is nothing funny about the words, and yet Micchi laughs. The sound is strained and painful to Zack’s ears. “Like I said, I don’t blame you. What I did, it’s unforgivable. I appreciate you trying to make me think otherwise, but I know better. I wouldn’t want to—”

“Mitsuzane.” Zack has never used his name before, not like this, and Micchi stops speaking, his lips still parted, his eyes wider, maybe with shock. Slowly, Zack pushes himself off of the couch, wary of his movements, of moving too quickly or too close. “I didn’t want you to overhear me telling someone else that, okay? Because when I had the courage, I wanted to tell you that to your face myself. It’s not about anything in your past. I’ve long since forgiven you.”

He crosses the living room with slow, measured steps until he finds himself standing in front of Micchi, stretching a hand out, taking him gently by the arm and tugging him forward into his chest. This is the one line he never crossed between them, touching Micchi like this, and even if it doesn’t mean anything, in Zack’s mind it’s the line to cross between platonic and whatever his confusing but slowly taking shape feelings are.

His hand stays fastened around Micchi’s arm, loose enough that he could shrug it off if he wants to, the other finding its way to his face. Even in the shadows and the half-light of the television screen, Micchi is beautiful, all soft delicate lines and full pink lips and wide, wide frightened eyes. Zack’s fingers learn the shape of his face, molding to fit against his skin as snugly as possible, and it hurts somewhere deep inside when Micchi nuzzles into his touch.

How long has it been since someone just held him?

“This is new for me, feeling something like this. The last person I cared about… He’s gone now.” Zack watches Micchi’s eyes widen further, watches the complex course of emotion across his face, the guilt, the way his lips quiver. “No, don’t. Don’t feel bad. Even if you had never gotten involved, Kaito would have been there at the end. I know him well enough to say that.”

Micchi’s eyes squeeze shut, but he doesn’t pull himself away, doesn’t try to put any distance between them. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I don’t deserve you reaching out to me. I don’t deserve anything you’ve done for me, and I definitely don’t deserve your love.”

“That’s for me to decide, isn’t it? And I decided that you do even if it took me time to put it in words.” Zack lets go of his arm, sliding his hand around to the small of Micchi’s back, pulling him closer. “I love you. Maybe you aren’t ready to accept this, or maybe you don’t feel the same way. I’ll accept either. But I love you, Micchi. I’ve fallen for you.”

He expects Micchi to pull away from him. What he doesn’t expect is for Micchi’s hand, smaller than his, so light and delicate, to cover the hand Zack still has on his face, their fingers tangling together. “You were the one person who held a hand out to me when I thought I had nothing and no one left, and I… I don’t deserve to feel this way for you. But I love you, too. And every time I’m with you it hurts a little less, the memory of everything I did.”

The revelation almost brings Zack to his knees, but he keeps his composure because he has to, because Micchi is so fragile and because Zack can do this, at least, for him.

“Can I kiss you?” His thumb strokes over Micchi’s lips, so soft.

He almost loses his breath when Micchi’s eyes fall closed. “Yes. Please.”

His lips are as soft as they look and he lets Zack sweep him up into his arms, holding him so close and so tight Zack wonders if it hurts, if he needs to ease up. Micchi is tentative, uncertain, and Zack wonders… If Mai was the first person Micchi ever cared for, is this his first kiss? It feels like it, his mouth moving so carefully even as his fingers creep up Zack’s arms, clinging tightly to his shoulders.

“I didn’t know it would be like that,” Micchi whispers when Zack finally pulls away, needing to breathe and needing to get his bearings. He’s kissed people before, but he didn’t know kissing Micchi would be so intense, either. “Are you still staying tonight?"

Zack nods, pressing his forehead against Micchi’s, aware he’s still holding him, aware Micchi’s hands are still gripping him tightly. “Yeah. I promised you I would. C’mon, let’s sit back down.”

He doesn’t want to untangle himself from Micchi even long enough to walk back to the couch, but he forces himself to deal with it. As soon as they sit down, Micchi abandons his place in the corner of the couch and curls himself against Zack’s side, and Zack wraps an arm around his shoulders, letting Micchi tuck himself in as small and secure as he wants to.

And when he finds Micchi asleep against his side, he leans in and presses a kiss to soft, glossy black hair and whispers, “I love you.”

And if Micchi isn’t quite asleep, and hears this time, then so be it.


End file.
